Twas’ the night before Cureesumaseu

Sorry for the hackneyed style. The terrorists made me do it. Here goes:

Twas’ the night before Cureesumaseu, when all throughout the Korean hills,
Not a creature was stirring, not even the Sun of the Communist Future Kim Jong-Il.
The intercontinental ballistic missiles were stored inconspicuously by the DMZ with care,
In hopes that competent UN weapons inspectors soon wouldn’t show up there.

Lee Myung-bak was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of a reunified republic danced in his head.
And ajuma Kim in her hanbok, and I in my hilarious Babo t-shirt,
Had just settled our minds that this season we would not get hurt.

When from across the neighboring norebang there arose such a fuss,
I sprang from my ondol mat to see if it was the regular used electronics’ bus.
Away to the window I ran like a kindergartener with a belly full of candy,
Flew open the glass and thought, ‘well this is just dandy’.

When, what to my unbelieving eyes should come into view,
But a cute little jeep, joined by lilliputan DPRK soldiers. But only a few.
Apparently, this was the mightiest military division they could spare,
And left me with a sense of confusion where all I could do was stare.

With the grotesquely obese senior officer, fat, yet quick like a steed,
I thought, this must be the only countryman they can afford to feed.
Slower than a waygook using chopsticks his entourage came,
And he barked and he hollered target locations by name!

“To Hongdae! And Sinchon! Then Myeongdong and Yongsan!
Onto Insadong! And Gangnam! To Jongno and Bundang!
To the top of Namsan Tower! Jump over the fence!
Now hurry and charge! Race, race away hence!"

His eyes were so dim. His face full of fear!
He was terrified, for just word, the allies would soon be here.
His original intention shrank like samgipsal on a hotplate,
And he realized their invasion attempt would just have to wait.

He sprang into his jeep, to his team gave a command,
And away they all sauntered like a paresthetic right hand.
I heard him announce in broken English they would be leaving,
"Melly Culeesumaseu to arr, and to arr a good evening!"